A Piece of Me

To know my deepest hurts & struggles will help you to understand my greatest victories….

 

About this time two years ago, I decided I wanted to take my fitness goals to the next level. I have always enjoyed working out and what girl doesn’t like competition.  About 6 months prior to March 2015, I was encouraged to do a fitness show by an IFBB bikini pro. I was nowhere in the shape I needed to be but the fact that she encouraged me to do it, gave me the confidence to at least look into so I did.

            Once I knew I was moving to Dallas at the beginning of 2015, I made up my mind that this is what I was going to do. I found a coach and trained with her 3x a week. I was doing at least 2 workouts a day, 6 days a week, with my diet changing weekly based on what my body looked like. In the beginning it was so much fun. I had no expectations and like I said I loved working out. I was looking good and feeling good like you couldn’t tell me anything. My confidence was through the roof.

            Once I knew I was moving to Dallas at the beginning of 2015, I made up my mind that this is what I was going to do. I found a coach and trained with her 3x a week. I was doing at least 2 workouts a day, 6 days a week, with my diet changing weekly based on what my body looked like. In the beginning it was so much fun. I had no expectations and like I said I loved working out. I was looking good and feeling good like you couldn’t tell me anything. My confidence was through the roof. Not only that.  100% and so did my friends and family. In my opinion, I feel like getting ready for a show is one of the hardest things you can do. In fact only 1% of people get into the shape you need to in order to get on stage. As I was getting closer to my show, I saw some things changing in my body that I was not happy with.

            I started to notice my hair falling out to the point it left me bald spots in different areas. With the strenuous workouts I was doing, my body was under a lot stress physically. As the weeks grew closer and the carbs grew fewer, my energy levels were at a low and my bad attitude was at a high. The workouts became tougher and it was becoming harder to stay focused mentally. My intuition told me something else was off.  I wasn’t going to give up. At least I thought I wouldn’t.

            Something was unsettling but I could not put my finger on it. It was had no idea what was causing me to feel this way. It was as if something was gnawing at me and I did have the words to articulate the emotions.

            Lord if there something you need to tell me please just how me and take this feeling away”. I had too much to focus on already with keeping up with work, my meals, and my workouts; I really didn’t need another wrench thrown in. As I prayed for a few days the Holy Spirit guided me and said “ Pay attention to what I am going to reveal to you”. That was the day when everything came to a halt.

            “Pay attention, look at what I’m about to show you”, had to do with lies and deceptions that were occurring in my marriage .I felt betrayed, unloved, blinded, used, enraged, and embarrassed. I never thought I would be that “that girl in this situation”. At that point, my head was checked out mentally from the competition. All that hard work didn’t matter to me anymore.

            Shortly after we separated for several months. I learned so many lessons during that time. In the past 6 months I also decided to pursue my fitness goal and to compete in my first competitive  bodybuilding competition.

 

 

“I already knew what giving up felt like, I wanted to see what happen if I didn’t’

 

This is a piece of me

 

Karena Renese

 

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